Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
