Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
