Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it's great music for shaving your balls
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
