Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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