OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
