I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
