his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
