***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
