My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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