You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
im drinking this country out of the recession.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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