Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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