stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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