And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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