I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
