A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
