i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
