his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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