I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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