i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
