i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
