Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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