I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
