It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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