theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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