No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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