so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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