some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Swine flu is the new snow day.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
