Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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