Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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