I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
