tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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