oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
