big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
