I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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