every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
