He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
