I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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