i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
