Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
