so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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