if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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