Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
