On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
