I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
