Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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