im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
