I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
