No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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