if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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