apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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