Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Sober January is a disaster.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
