Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
