How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
