You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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